My Daughter Wants to Get a Tattoo to Commemorate the Worst Day of My Life
I know it's her body, but this is my trauma. Our advice columnists have encountered many stories over the years. Today, we revisit a classic letter from the Care and Feeding archives to share with our readers.
Letter from a Parent
My daughter suffered a terrible freak accident on the Fourth of July and, by all accounts, should not have survived. Her entire family witnessed the event, and even now, I get emotional simply thinking or talking about it because of how awful it was.
We are incredibly lucky she survived. She was strong and brave throughout the ordeal. But as a parent, watching my child in such pain, seeing her struggle, and knowing she almost died was deeply traumatic. I needed therapy for PTSD to cope with it.
Conflict Over the Tattoo
Now, my daughter wants a firework tattoo in a visible spot to symbolize what she overcame and her strength. I feel this tattoo would be a constant reminder of the accident and the pain it caused me. She is 19 and legally free to make her own decisions but is asking for my permission.
- Should I give her permission even though I don’t want to?
- Should I explain why I’m against the tattoo?
- Could I suggest an alternative symbol representing bravery or strength instead of a firework?
When I think about her strength, I feel amazed and proud. But the idea of a firework brings back memories of her injury and the pain we endured.
"We are so lucky she survived, and she was so strong and brave throughout the whole thing."
"As a parent it was so difficult to see my child in so much pain, to feel and see her struggle, and to know that she almost died that I went to therapy for PTSD."
Author's summary: A parent's trauma clashes with their adult daughter's wish for a tattoo symbolizing survival, reflecting the complex emotions behind a painful shared experience.