Intensive Parenting and Family Size
Is it possible today to be considered a good parent without aiming to perfect your children, but rather by simply being their “safe place”? I’m not sure, but being a warm and loving parent who makes children feel secure is both a meaningful and difficult goal.
Context of the Discussion
This essay is the second in a three-part series exploring the challenges of Western parenting. The first essay, written by Elizabeth Grace Matthew, can be found elsewhere.
Social Media Controversy
Recently, a local Facebook group mother expressed frustration with parents who couldn’t afford to pay for their children’s college education or help with a home down payment. This sparked heated debates—some accused her of elitism, while others agreed that good parents should have financial resources to support their children’s transition to adulthood.
“It can’t be the case that only upper-middle-class Americans should have kids,” I thought. Surely, the standard for good parenting isn’t the ability to fully pay for college and then help adult children buy a home.
Reflection on Parenting Standards
While it’s admirable when parents can provide these financial supports, this should not define the only valid way to parent. The mom’s complaints highlight a broader cultural trend in the U.S. toward intensive parenting.
What is Intensive Parenting?
Intensive parenting has become a major topic of discussion, referring to parents investing extensive time, energy, and resources to optimize their children’s success and well-being.
“This mom’s complaints are part of a larger trend in the United States toward intensive parenting.”
Author’s summary: Parenting today often wrestles between financial expectations and emotional presence, with intensive parenting posing challenges, especially for families with many children.